One

Single. .Uno. . Solo. . Alone. . Seems to be the latest trend that I’ve had to endure. .defend. .live. . Own! Its been a minute since I’ve put my whole heart in it. Cause 9 times out of 10 my soul is the sole soul solely committed. I’ve become bitter. I admit it. . But Shit it. . Has to be some, one sweetheart to turn turn this sour patch kid’s heart less tart. I don’t wanna be some old heartless fart without a hope for a happy ending because I never the chance at a steady start.. .They say slow and steady wins the race. Be Patient just wait. . If that’s true. Then my unofficial motto is cash! You know the cliche “The nice guys always finish last” . . Lets do the math. . If I’m in a race. . And I’m going the slowest. . Moving at a steady pace. . Never extending my stride, keeping the competition in front, seldom at my side. . Allowing him the be first across the line giving him access to my prize. That would in turn make me last! Love doesn’t have a second place. Just First Loves and all the heartbreaks that follow. So Single. .Uno. . Solo. . Alone. . Will be the latest trend that I’ll continue to endure. .defend. .live. . Own! Until I found that Single person to be my Uno Amor who would never stoop so lo to make me Endure lonely nights, Defend my feelings, or Live without love. . On my Own!

The Game of Memory

Usually when I close my eyes all I see is darkness but tonight. . I see all These. . Colorful images, relive and reminisce recall that. remember this. Millions of Memories in the abyss. Just a bottomless pitt full of Shit. And no matter the morale I just sit and sift through the Shit. Because no matter what you do it ain no changing the past, i mean you done lived through the Shit but you can't let your future be influenced by the past that you had. Now I completely understand what the old heads were saying when they were telling me the game and slippin candy in my hand. Hold on to the memories cause they're all you'll have. Nothing last forever. We all will past!

Here I Stand: The Invisible Man.

Here I stand, hollow and transparent. . A process inherent of neglect from my DamN parents. . One left because of the other, and with the other being my mother, I can completely understand now why the separation had been done. . And once the other, meaning mother, start realizing I was calling another woman Momma, then came the drama, cause over years and years of gaining siblings without my mother being a Momma. . I had a couple different families on a couple different corners all together that gave me a few different Mommas. . Anyways jealousy kicks in but its not in the form of "I wanna fit in" but in forms of "you can just get out, if they love you like you love them they'll lend you their couch". . At first I was just "Ouch" but then I thought about it again. . To some i'm more family than A friend so i'll always have a place to sleep no matter how the story ends. . Now lets take our focus further in to where my hollow heart lies and my sorrow never dies. .Do you know the feeling in children when they don't even feel adequate comfort to tell their mother of any certain, sudden discomfort. . Or any feeling for that matter. . Well thats my life on a plastic platter. . Feelings of abandonment, acting out for punishment, just wanted some acknowledgement. It all seemed to never really matter. . Nothing positive. Just negative chatter. . Even stooping as low as to tell an former classmate nothing bout my worst when I was at my lowest. .She's the main reason I don't belive "I promise" so If i've made one to you and broke it I apologize, I promise. . Speaking of that you don't wanna hear how bad my prom was. . How sad my Mom was cause of how Mad her son was. .I guess that's what the feeling of guilt does. . Most people have a trust issue. .I unsubscribed a long time ago. Tired of reading all the same ads & articles. Promising me the same Shit they've been promising you, whew. . Now that you know partly why I am the way I am. .now matter how strong I stand. . Here I still Stand: The Invisible Man.

Untitled

I can see you. . I can smell your fragrance. . I can enjoy the sound of your voice. . So really. .I can behold your beauty but I can't hold you. . . Maybe I should just come to my senses because you got my mental going haywire and a hold on 3 out of 5 of my senses. . Its a shame I can't make you my misses. . Cause I'd have a hold on at least 1 out of 5 of your senses with just one taste my kisses. . So close yet so far away, how can one be so far yet get closer by the day. . I got my hopes up so high that they're bound to fly away so i'll keep it on a kite string until the way I feel fades away

The Process Continues...

So I was thinking. . Maybe we can get aquainted. Start out with conversation and graduate to penetration. . Of the mind. Cause its times when we only scratch the surface & try to build something without first laying a foundation, but when the structure falls in devastation. We wanna blame it on each other instead of looking in the mirror. . So if its ok with you, lets avoid that situation. I wanna build something steady, but only when WE'RE ready. I learned from trail and error. . But one can't dwell on their trails forever. So personally. . I think its now or never. Lets make it happen. Correction. Just let it happen, Life's a Trip, God's the captain, We just hitched a ride. I'm kinda sorta thinking it'll be smoother with you by my side. Ha. Now i'm running lines, but they're filled with truths. Don't want to bank on word? Then i'll show you. Trust in what I do, & then what I say.
You can't control time nor you heart's mind. Love can come with quickness & stop on a dime!

The Zone

Now usually "in The zone" is where I wanna be. I mean, the Zone is obviously where it at! For example 9 times out of 10 when you're in the Red Zone you score, even then you've made it to the End Zone. Yay! Touchdown. . Hmph. Now it's one Zone that everybody, all shapes, sizes, sexes, and skintones have found themselves stuck in. . Drumroll please. . THE FRIENDZONE! DamN now that has to be Mentally and Emotionally the worst place to be. BFF doesn't compare to BF&GF. . At all, but go hand in hand, what a bittersweet contradiction. A conflict of interest where interest is the conflict. One party wants more and the other has not a lick! But really, how much sense does this make? " We're just too good of friends to ever go on a date! I mean my heart would just break if our friendship was ever at stake"I guess i'm the only one that feels that risk is one we could take. Don't think i'm being insensitive until you hear my take. To any type of relationship. . Friends has to be the first step you make, if you're not a friend to your lover then that love won't make. . It! Well they say it's to each own. . And DamN that Zone got me in my zone, thoughts on top of thoughts free falling from my dome. now I wonder if I should let my friend read this when I done?

(143) LNG-DIST

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All we have are the good morning text and the late night talks. . How I long for a goodbye kiss and the mid-day walks. . Hours of conversation don't begin to compare to just seconds in your presence. .What I wouldn't do for a session of caressing And I love all the pictures I receive that timeline your day but just one photograph of us would be something I could cherish for the rest of my days. . When I say I miss you, I do miss you. . But can I really miss you if I'm never really with you? Words can only do so much but You can read my actions like a scripture. . If I only had one wish I'd have here in a instance, but until then I guess. . I'll just love you from a Distance